Re-post from: 18 Apr 2016. When I get a chance to dress, a short chapter of my life closes; I am refreshed if not reborn. The tension, stress and bad feelings accumulated since last time are fading away, and we are ready to go on to read the next chapter. Whenever I dress, I also always die a little bit, having worked a lot for and having learned a lot about looking feminine. Because when I start assembling the look, every little bit of not being a fragile and feminine woman slaps me in the face; and hard. Ok, I go about my height and make a note for myself, that a normal door will end at 2 meters height, and if in heels a delicate bend of the head is needed when passing through. On the other hand I realize each time that every little curve, every small dimension of my body is working against trying to look like a woman would. It is practically impossible to work with broad shoulders, and I also immediately realize that my war against hair and fat are far from over, maybe just beginning. But then there will be even less curves. Sigh. I am temporarily satisfied though, because I got jeans, and this top which was a blind purchase (once again) turned out well, and is appropriate for the season. What will I wear next time? Even the question terrifies... It is so good that at least the longing and struggle part of my womanhood are genuine. And I immediately ask myself to what extent are my dislikes of my body and looks intrinsic, and what is just determined by social expectations and the gender binary? I am probably not ready to answer that. But then again, did it work? Yes. Did it make fun? Yes. Am I better after? Hell, sure; and then it cannot be bad. Both the physical unchangeable burdens as well as the thought, how ridiculous I might come across, when I try to present in the least feminine way, do discourage me. While I know neither should, it is just so hard, so imprinted, so unbelievable even for me, that an elephant has the right to feel and express as a butterfly. I liked jazz. I thought the affection was intrinsic, but I was also criticized, because liking jazz is a safe haven, as everyone knows jazz is something fine and sophisticated. Liking it will actually protect you from all and any kind of challenging or criticism of your musical taste. True, but should you be blamed for liking jazz? No. I am thinking recently if there is any similar protective element of belonging or claiming to belonging to a minority? It is not cool any more to harass people belonging to a minority, but there are further questions to that. Can I be an asshole just because or not because, just in addition to belonging to a minority? Surely not. The protective element is merely there to allow you to fight equally for you rights. Nothing more. It is similar with the trans thing having a protective element to it though. It sounds already so schizophrenic to call it the "trans thing". As if there was a "heteronormative thing", or a "long brown hair thing" or a "not liking mushrooms thing". With calling it a "thing" I am trying to feed my cis-normative side and upbringing. I feel I can better talk to and come easier across to cis-gender that way. So then, when I look at my body and my female presentation am I trying to meet their expectations? When I get feedback is the praising genuine, or speaks more for the minority element? Do I look good, or do I look good for a big man? Is there criticism enough? I mean constructive feedback on what I should do differently. Can these truly and fully come through? Probably the two things need to go in parallel, meaning I need to adjust my expectations towards me as woman, which will rather be “only woman-ish”, and the cis people will also ease a bit after trans being more visible and around. And both sides in communications, reactions and counter-reactions need to be careful and sensitive, not to use or allow the transgender element interfere or distort the honest and fair interaction. Above and beyond anything goes. We can express dislikes, even pull each other's legs about it, and reaching this level will also validate all the positives as well. And then stay tuned as the elephant puts on its wings, slowly and carefully paints its body to match the colors. The elephant looks into the mirror. What it sees is a truly mixed image, it does see the butterfly, but it never ceases to keep seeing the elephant. Then it carefully lifts onto the back legs into a position which imitates the lift-off of the butterfly. It bends the knees and twists the body to look more like the butterfly's, moves around, poses, hoping that some of the many pictures will actually show the butterfly in its head. The butterfly it is truly within. The elephant disassembles the accessories, washes off the color, brings some rotten fruit, the favourites to eat and looks at the pictures. It smiles and its trunks waives when it finally comes across the first pic, which shows the butterfly. Flattered, when he finds a handful of more of such. And it is satisfied, because even if the butterfly on the pictures would never really be able to lift off, and would never really be able to fly onto and rest on a flower blossom, it is relieved by the moment it felt it actually was able to. The elephant then resumes then its responsible role in the elephant world. This is how we butterfly elephants live our lives. First when you see the elephant's struggle, you might find it ridiculous. Even the carefully selected pictures might also only mean a laugh being repressed. When you meet, the presentation might seem artificial and unnecessary. But maybe at some point you realize there is some grace in what the elephant is doing. When you notice that you will start looking for this element, and you might find that actually the elephant has a lot to do with grace. Then you will look at the butterfly again, who is really beautiful and fragile, but you might want to turn your head back at what the elephant is doing. It might be that grace and femininity can actually be abstracted from the physical presentation. That these traits also need to be filled with passion and inner content. And some day you might say to yourself, hey, this butterfly is really an empty shell, and it does not have all what the elephant has. Maybe also you will feel that the butterfly being a butterfly by default has little to do with what it actually represents. In fact it might be that the elephant is much more of a butterfly than the butterfly itself, and that the butterfly really does not care for being a butterfly. It comes natural, but not overly important. To conclude this metaphor, you might realize that you are much more interested in stories and personalities of elephant’s who try to be something more, like butterflies; while you care less and less about butterflies who take their “butterfly-ness” granted and only harvest the related advantages. You might find true and deep friendships with these butterfly elephants. Some of the not so superficial butterflies might also realize that they are interested to meet butterfly elephants, just because these elephants relate more and better to butterflies than most of the elephants. And some will not want such elephants; they will want to keep the worlds apart. It is probably a long way to go that trans will generally and openly be accepted. It needs a lot of education in both the spreading of information, as well as in the instructing of how to go about sense. And that will end the "cis era", and we will not have to and want to reinforce on others how we like to be; we will not expect people to present and act as we do, just to reassure our own selves. Butterflies will not restrict elephants and vice versa. And the world will see lots of different presentations, even a butterfly with a trunk...

I am tall with a very large shoe size, surely the top five percentile above the male average. I am noticeable and will never pass for those gendering based on perceived biological determination. And that remains regardless of how nice, harmonic, feminine my presentation is, even how beautiful I am. Deal with it!? Aiming to pass (to be able to unnoticeably move around expressing your true gender) is one thing. It is a very understandable strive, very human, very socially conscious, and very transphobic. Many times, you hear from trans people (who pass) how unfortunate are the ones whose (unchangeable) physical traits make it very hard for them to pass. Or doctors advocating for puberty blockers for teenage trans girls not to grow too big to pass. Let us remember when women of color were straightening their hair to look closer to the ideals (white Caucasian determined). The visibly trans, the noticeable ones, us, the attention magnets. Please note you cannot live your life in continuous attention. And I am not talking yet verbal or other harassment just looks, stares, faces, all day long. Passing by no means should be a determining factor for living your true self or for transitioning as such. Passing has been and is prohibiting and delaying trans people in fighting their dysphoria, causing a lot of unnecessary, avoidable damage. In a modern open society, you do not actually need passing. I would expect that one’s transgender background if noticeable does also not play a role or influence perception and respectful friendly treatment by the others. The harmony and esthetics of the presentation is also secondary and is left to the individuals preference. I need to be proud about my height, proud about my broad shoulders. I need to be able to embrace my large hands and feet as part of my feminine expression. Passing is also about the confidence you are projecting when you are moving around, your aura says a lot, it protects you from superficial judgement. But you do fall out of your Zen state many times and then boom, your biology becomes your worst enemy. And it should not be the case, I mean why expect a trans person to always be confident and extrovert; we also have our bad moods, bad days. Sometimes a place, a time, even person becomes my kryptonite, making me lose all my trans superpowers, including my basic ability to pass. It does not happen often, but it still feels pretty devastating. And on sooo many days passing feels like a piece of cake, comes so naturally and easy, making me almost believe there is really nothing revealing in my presentation. You also get addicted to passing and you are seeking your next opportunity to really feel at ease in your body and skin. It is an intoxicating and liberating feeling. I am not sure how should passing be explained to all. It is a secure state you are most of the time probably not even aware of. It is the feeling of your presence and presentation being valid and right. Not fraudulent, fake, you’re not in a disguise, not in a place where you do not belong. It is a privilege but should not be one. It is a benefit because society is not 100% open and accepting. Yet it cannot be a must…

I did have my official gender marker and first name changed. I am a woman (officially and in front of law and justice as well). The declaration is really easy and casual. Got my appointment for the same day afternoon as I called at the local municipal office. There is a slight chance that I misheard, but I think I was immediately misgendered right at the end of the act and actually by the officer who „just made me a woman“. She said „Goodbye Sir.“. Well, „We only work with professionals here!“ replied a friend when I told the story. In hindsight I need to admit I became instantly much more sensitive about pronouns and misgendering when being addressed. This happened even though I knew very clearly that the marker change will not make passing easier. Still, somehow now I feel the mistake more since it became also officially incorrect. I need to develop a new sense of humour (or at least get back to it), and ease into a superficial insensitivity about it because it will be accompanying me maybe for eternity. I knew I need to accept the official gender change did not turn me into a cis woman, so just because the marker makes me feel more cis (more of a cis woman), the challenges associated with being trans remain. Then came happiness with the realization that finally I ended up with a short and pronounceable name with no special characters no academic title, second name or whatsoever. Even my long signature is short. And I realized I needed to forgive myself for needing and wanting a short and very feminine first name. It was my internalized transphobia asking „Why would a big man want to have a short and very feminine name?“. Well, the answer is that a big man would really not want that, but who is a big man here anyway? That is how internalized prejudice works. Policing myself for my femininity. Gosh, so stupid. Did I contradict my earlier post? No. The marker does truly not help passing, but it does give a feeling of persistence and continuity. A kind of reassurance that even if not presenting overly feminine, just casual (which will then underline less the please do not perceive me as a cis male message), it will still not mean I am suddenly back being a man. And I do not mind if there is a slight confusion around it. This also shows how formal and official the Swiss society is, but as rules are rules, I will at all times be addressed as „Mam“, because that is my official gender now. I actually am fond of playing along this game, because the confusion only reflects back to the stubborn cis-binary system and to how unnecessary it is to gender everyone always and everywhere.

Re-post from: 08 Mar 2017. Maybe it is because of the socialist heritage of being one of “the musts”, but I never really liked Women’s Day (or any other thematic day for the matter of fact). We “had to” give a small bouquet of snowdrops to the girls and ladies (as being female assigned at birth per observed biological sex). I felt it is a pitiful gesture: Here you go, neat little flowers for you neat little females, but only this one day, so better enjoy it, ‘cause the other 364 days are? Yes, men’s days. Back to the kitchen and washroom ya’ all when today’s gone. International Women’s Day dates back to the first decade of the last century and as many things it is a US invention. Without wanting to undermine the historical relevance and importance, I would like to just note here the funny fact that amongst others in China, Macedonia and Sri Lanka this day is a bank holiday, to be more precise a holiday day, but for women only. Go free and celebrate yourselves, or I do not know how to look at it. So instead of chewing further on the dilemma whether it is appropriate to celebrate this day or not, I bring here my definition of feminism. I gave it a lot of thought; I surely wanted to elevate it from the original basic concept of a women’s liberation movement, I wanted to even out the various aspects of the philosophy not to be caught up on the popular topics like women’s wages too much, and also wanted to resonate proactively to some of the criticism around the modern feminist ideologies. This concept also rejects the conservative feministic approach and is intersectional and non-exclusive to the most possible extent. Here it goes: Feminism is not denying or disregarding any of the objective biological rules related to biological sex and reproductivity, but feminism does reject any restriction or discrimination applied onto an individual with reference to biological sex or reproductivity. This includes but is not limited to freedom of decision of the individual in relation to his or her body or the social role he or she feels right to fulfil in his or her life. Feminism is not rejecting the traditional family as a value and is not discouraging anyone of the vast majority who feel that that is the most appropriate way to live their lives, but feminism rejects the obligatory exclusivity of that model. In addition feminism does not believe that the actual roles in a marriage or a partnership need to be based on or determined by the biological sex and that either of the parties is mandated to submit themselves for the sake of the partnership or reproductivity. Feminism does accept that physical differences between individuals, including the differences between the average constitutional parameters of the biological sexes (weight, height, physical strength etc.) make certain individuals more or less suited for activities where these parameters matter (army, transportation, construction, heavy industry, impact sports etc.), but do not consider them to be exclusive based on the biological sex. In fact feminism believes that any role or activity in society can be just as well executed by a man or a women and consider the disproportionate representation of the sexes artificial and a social construct rather than something justifiable by the biological sex or the gender role. Feminism does reject positive discrimination and rather encourages investigating and eliminating the root causes of the disproportionate representation. Feminism expects that in the social interactions people are treated with equal respect and in no way differently based on their biological sex. Feminism objects to any physical and verbal abuse or insult of any individual, especially in connection to their biological sex. In addition feminism considers sexist remarks and joking inappropriate, hence they are to be noted and rejected. Such talks should also not be tolerated amongst same sex peer groups. Feminism rejects any kind of suppression or discrimination based on biological sex or gender identity, and would also want to abolish any „born” benefits related to these. Feminism is not advocating for any sexual orientation or is promoting alternative lifestyles, because sexual orientation cannot be influenced in that way, and gender identities are not alternative lifestyles or personal choices, but are life conditions. Beyond the broadest LGBTQ+ spectrum feminism rejects in general discrimination of any suppressed or minority groups (this is intersectionality). Feminism welcomes true and honest support and advocacy from anybody, regardless of biological sex, gender identity or sexual orientation; it is actually totally non-restrictive for anyone to join and identify as. Feminism especially welcomes men and transgender women, because these groups also suffer from the gender binary with women being subordinate to men. As such feminism equals anti-sexism, and fighting for equal rights regardless of biological sex or gender identity will also improve the situation of men and other majority groups. In even broader sense feminism is not only anti-sexism, but humanism fighting for equality broadly across society. Feminism is intrinsically liberal, promoting the individual, its choice and freedom as far as it is not to the harm of any other individual. Feminism is non-judgemental about life choices and as such not phobic of any kind related to these choices. Feminism is not promoting promiscuity, but it is non-judgemental for any kind of sexuality between consenting adults. Feminism does not acknowledge on the other hand prostitution and porn as acts with freedom of choice and therefore sees both participation and consumption as passive and active suppression respectively. Feminism is highly respectful towards history, culture and religion, but does not consider discrimination or suppression rooting from history, culture or belief acceptable, considers and rejects any expectations to adhere to such norms (and reinforcement of such) to be the invasion of the individual integrity and as such an attack against humanity in general. Feminism notes the examples of torture, homicide and genocide associated to such reinforcement tries. Feminism resents any compromise on feminist values especially due to financial and political reasons. And how to illustrate this post in order to get as far as possible from cheesy pictures of snowdrops and other formalities associated with days like Women’s Day better than by bringing you Zoltar, the fortune teller machine. This iconic vintage arcade played an important role in the feminist movie Big, with feminist lead actor Tom Hanks who was nominated for an Academy Award for this movie. So if you have nothing better to do on International Women’s Day, or if you are tired of men telling you how you should be celebrating, I can recommend watching this movie instead. Zoltar machine, China Town, San Francisco

I used to write poems, not often and not many. I even was the favourite poet of someone. Here is a new poem, came recently. First with transgender thematic. In original Hungarian as well as in my own English translation. Passing (a cisz társadalomban való feltűnés nélküli mozgás) Ugyanazt használom fiúban, ami gondot okoz lányban: ekkora ember nem lehet nő. Hogy nem kérheted ki magadnak, amit látsz? mert ugye ez nem létezhet. Sajnálom, de ez a kézitáska férfi, Ön szerint gyártanak női cipőt 48-asban!? Ezek csak apró hibák, van, hogy valaki nem nagyon szőrös, gyér az arcszőrzet is, fülbevaló is lehet, meg hosszú haj. Na de 2 méteren? Nem zavar esztétikusan, csak sok hiba ez egyszerre. De csak nem lehet „az“, ez csak olyan cisz allűr, „önkifejez“. Ah, de csinálja csak, a rend az rend marad. 2022 július 19. Manavgat, Törökország Passing (moving around unnoticed within cis society) I do the same as in boy mode, what troubles in girl: so tall cannot be a woman. You cannot firmly object to the sight? because this cannot exist. Pardon me, this handbag is men’s, they make shoes in women’s 16!? These are just tiny mistakes, some are not hairy at all, with beard very rare, earrings are ok, long hair as well. All that on 6 foot 5? Does not bother, just all too many mistakes. But this cannot be „that”, are just cis allures, „self-expresses”. Ah, let him be, order remains order. 19 July 2022 Manavgat, Turkey

1. Social intelligence All of society must have a basic understanding of what the LGBTQ spectrum is, what the different attributes are that define the minorities behind the letters. All need to understand sexual orientation vs gender identity and biological sex. All need to know how different and how many we are (even if you do not know / have not met anyone personally). 2. Do not assume. Just because what you think you see that person might identify very differently. Notice and respect hints in self-expression and avoid gendering at least in such situations. 3. If unsure, ask. e.g., May I address you as a man, a woman or do you prefer gender neutral? or simply: What are your pronouns? I cannot believe, but it still happens that I walk into a store although being almost 2 meters tall, but presenting fully feminine, impossibly not to realize at least that there is heavy binary gender non-conformity going on, even if not perceived as a woman, I get a „Hello Sir.“ or a „How can I help, Monsignor?“. People!? 4. Do not judge. If you think someone looks weird, or shows unexpected contrast in gender expression (vs biology or your impression of their gender) please do remember that person might be figuring out gender, might be in the terrible pain of gender dysphoria, might be transitioning, might not have means and resources to change some things of dislike in their presentations, or might just not have a good taste (which many cis people also do not have). It is sooooo not okay to laugh. If you are still into cheap gender humor (men in dresses), please watch Disclosure, a documentary which will explain how much gender trauma we got from media few decades back. You do not need to like what you see, but you should also not be shocked or feel provoked, just because someone expresses in a way you would not or would not expect (according to your perception or their gender). There are extremes in cis gender presentations as well: punk, emos, costume looks, hard rockers, ever sexy, ever youngs, extremely unmaintained, etc. The Pride protest marches put all LGBTQ extremes to display, but although cis extremes could also walk a Pride, they would not be told to be disgusting or provocative. Please therefore accept gender expectation non-conformity as you accept cis non-conformity. 5. Talk to your children. Well obviously, if you are cursing at home about gay and trans people, your children will take that unacceptable message forward into their children‘s society, but I know most do not do that. Even then it is required and requested to talk to them about diversity, minorities in general, differences of people in sexual orientation or gender identity. Tell them please it is not cool to make fun of, to pick on, or to mob any minorities. Such behavior can always be discussed with the teacher if observed at school. Schools should also systematically sensitize if not done already. Naturally these messages should be adjusted to age-appropriate complexity and content. LGBTQ is the universal philosophy of love and acceptance, and the promise of a colorful and totally free society, where everyone just feels safe and right. Those who do not get this are either dumb or are in some way personally interested in suppression, because of patriarchy, politics, bad religion, money, or power. Many times, suppression is coated with religious, conservative, nationalism, but beneath there is nothing but scrooge, rotten, patriarchy. On the other hand, true democracy, open society, freedom, and human rights go hand in hand with LGBTQ, just like good religion. I heard a Paleo Christian priest being asked in an interview: What do you think of gay and trans people? Very simple, I just follow what the Bible says he said: love one another, like I love you. There is no exclusion.

Re-post from: 29 Jan 2016. There is no stereotype of the male, but there are certainly some personality and behavioural traits more common amongst males. I am already getting myself into trouble with this article, because it will observe the cis binary conforming male population and will not go into any further differentiation of this (very large) group. There are many, many sensitive and charming guys out there with real good looks and tastes, therefore I must state that these, as discussed below are not supposed to be attributed to all of them. In addition to some not showing any of the listed habits and behaviours, some might show one or more of them, but it is unlikely that all would be fitting to describe one single individual. Some of these were / are also my traits. I am not going to excuse myself here for belonging to any of the groups below. I could have chosen not to, but at a certain point in time to look, act and behave like these types, actually did make sense. There has been a lot written about the macho overcompensation of hiding transgender individuals, who to compensate for the non-belonging, overexpress and overact. I can also not say that after accepting the game, it has all and ever been to my dislike. Peer pressure No need to emphasize probably that the behaviour of males is highly influenced by the peers: the spirit of the herd (or horde), we say. We do adjust our communication and behaviour to others we spend time with which is natural, but it is also accelerated in groups composed of males purely. Many times, I felt, especially when joining a new or a larger group of guys, that you will be clocked and measured, tested and teased; and eventually invited to adjust. If you successfully pass, you are accepted, and you can be a bit at ease. I recall situations where the here discussed team pressure was in a good stimulating range, but I do have remembrance of occasions where it got me just tired and frustrated. Intrusive communication How tired and frustrated you can get is also influenced by whether the members of the group exercise what I call intrusive communication or not. There are some extremes when one or more people are virtually terrorizing the whole group, who try to adjust, and there is also a level where it is more in the teasing and joking range. It is very hard to exist in the prior, but over time the latter can also be exhausting (even if you are part of the game). Intrusive in this means aggressively challenging, overwhelmingly personal, or cynically rude (just as a few examples). I have discussed before that there is a reinforcing element to the gender binary. Reinforcing means, that it is not enough to be cis-normative, you need to continuously check yourself and test others to identify and eliminate any non-normative sign of communication or behaviour. This is also part of the intrusive communication. My example is the times when I get awkward questions or genderish (that is a new word invented just now) teasing if I have a really colourful men’s office shirt on. Functional dressing Wow, we landed already at dressing. While many men of today are more fashionable than most women, and we know the saying: Clothes make the man, still you see many chaps out there who just do not agree with clothes having any esthetical value, whether they are a bit at all fashionable or how they come across wearing them to others. I have three examples: not nice footwear (the comfy white sneakers for all occasions or the sandals with socks in the summer), costume clothing (like a Crocodile Dundee leather outfit) and the clothes not fit for the purpose (like trekking clothes when not trekking at all, like I do many times). Overeating tendencies Extremes in the clothing bring us to extremes in other things, like eating. I will not discuss alcohol and drugs, because abuse is common in both genders, but overeating I dominantly see with men. You know the stereotype, who will starve in a fully loaded kitchen, but when served, will be happily eating anything and everything. It is a very special way of self-satisfying (I on purpose did not bring any autoerotic reference here), because there is the punishment element at the end, when fullness becomes a pain. No wonder these men make the “all you can eat” and “the bigger, the better” kinds of restaurants thrive. Must admit, I also did. Terrible communicators Coming from overdoing to underdoing, and while in groups men tend to be loud, extrovert and talkative, in their private communications they can be many times useless. Today’s technology offers easily accessible ways to meet new people and to keep up with old friends. If it would work that way. Especially if the communication is not happening during a longer time period physically spent together, it is utmost important to always give and take as well. When you answer, you need to give information in an interesting way and so, that it contains something which the partner can react and respond to. In addition, you need to be quick and intense. If not, conversations just die off. (Or never even start.) Competitive leisure time Ok, so we are passive in our 1:1 and remote communications, which we surely compensate when being physically together. And then it is not only how we communicate that becomes energetic, but we love to intensify also what we do together with some competition. As if work, life, organizing things (,driving) would not create competition enough, men gather many times to further exhaust one another. Here I would like to exempt organized sports (which I do not like, but understand), but why even when you come together for rest and entertainment, you need to play table soccer, darts, or poker (while getting more and more drunk). No offense though. Top-off policy We are getting to the more physical items, which include men generally showing more skin and body hair than women or what some prefer to see. Beauty does not count here, and the first sunny day when it runs above room temperature males are tempted to drop (without asking for any kind of consent) their shirts and calmly expose their upper bodies at virtually any place and at any occasion. Men are entitled to do that. They do not have to be shy or feel ashamed in case they might not be considered anything close to beautiful. There is no such thing as male beauty, or to turn it around male defines beauty. Why do not all women do the same? Noises and smell It is acknowledged though, as if biology would have been harsher on men, with the curse of excessive body hair and sweating, which really cannot (should not) be fought at all. In addition, the male digestion is more intense and that enables certain degradation processes, which do result in acoustic and nostril sensations, but these are fairly normal and should be tolerated. I cannot go into more detail here. Urinals and showers Let us admit, many men simply love to show off their genitals in male only facilities and situations. I do not even dare to guess, if this is really evidence that there is a competition going on here, there is interest to see and compare, or it is just the feeling of relief and freedom of being naked. Male sexuality Must be very careful here, but I will say, that I have always felt male sexuality has an aggressive element to it. Certainly at least by some of the individuals. To me the word hard always mainly meant: a surface not convenient to lie on, something which is not easy to do or understand or feelings which are not nice to bear. But I do also get, we are all animals after all… This concludes my top ten summary of male obsessions, habits, and practices. Must repeat the disclaimer, not all should carry all or any of the above. We might wanted or want to exercise some, which will not make us necessarily bad folks, unless we go into the extremes. We anyway surround ourselves ideally with people who have similar temperaments and habits, so we are more at ease in these companies. And last but not least probably women would say, there are similar or worse things they do, and women groups can be no less abusive than men’s. I do not know. I was always assigned and sent to play with the boys. And I am not saying I did not have fun.

As of 01 January 2022, in Switzerland I could walk into the civil registry office and for a fee of 75 francs, based on my personal declaration have my official gender changed. Right now, there are only male and female as available options, but there is absolutely no need for any medical or court approval or having to have undergone any physical change whatsoever. You walk in, you say, “I am a man / woman.” and it is a done deal. I am very thankful for this possibility and feel privileged to be member of a society which embraces trans rights beyond most other countries. I am also seriously considering this official gender change as option I would like to take advantage of, but when I am doing that, I need to weigh the advantages I get, versus the complications it might cause in my personal life and civil situation; including its international, work-related consequences as well as impact on daily life practices at home as well as being abroad. And I am not primarily afraid of the effort and paperwork of having to notify every institution I am registered at and request every entry to be changed one by one where my gender is listed from my bank to the last web shop, I have an account of. It will surely take time, but like if your name changes when you get married, the old version will slowly fade out and it will be a surprising rarity when it still pops up somewhere. It will also not cause blocks or compatibility issues as a third gender status would, as the M and the F are available and recognized everywhere. The main question for me what the change besides the administrative burden would bring to my life. It would surely not help being perceived more feminine, instead would rather need to be explained when I am presenting an ID card with an F. I recognize though that for some, who pass / blend in as the opposite gender, this is on the contrary reduces the perceived ambiguity between the looks and the gender mark. Will I feel more entitled to use the women’s bathroom or changing room? Probably not. Will the way I am referred to by those who know me long from the past change? The ID is not driving any of my interpersonal unofficial relations or interactions. Sadly, an official name and gender change will also not help the discussions about transphobia within not only the general population but in the LGBTQ groups. It will not help argue with trans exclusive feminism, who deny the existence of gender identity and look at gender on a biologically exclusive basis. To whom I or any of us will never be more that a modified male, a feminine alteration of what they claim to be my disillusion and detachment of reality of things, making my gender a belief or a lifestyle choice. It will not help gays and lesbian people with their fear of transgender diluting their groups and causes. It will not change the trend when we are becoming more inclusive, we only move the border of exclusivity to seclude the next minority. We cannot define our minority as the final frontier, I am sure there is more to explore, that the reason the LGBTQIA+ acronym is growing is that we are still exploring diversity and none of our groups can define themselves as the single, last, and most rare individual unit of diversity. Although the possibility of binary gender change in the civil registry is a good gesture and a step towards creation of a world where is room for diversity, it is only making it possible to get a record of not being cis binary, because it will be perceived by many as people who have a wrong gender marker. A man, well a bit feminine, yes, but with a female name and an F in the passport!? Is it legit at all? Some might ask themselves. Because it is not giving a justified own category of not fitting (being able to fit) or not wanting to fit into the binary male / female categories, it is not validating gender diversity it is only validating a person’s right to defy the binary construct. I will keep using the men’s for the time being. For as long as I will not make men feel uncomfortable by my manly body dimensions with a meanwhile quite feminine gender expression. It is not my preference; it is a practical choice of raising less attention and disturbing less. I do not want to be reminded that I am in the wrong bathroom, I do not want to pull my ID card with an F and a female name next to my photo to prove my being there legit. But should the time come, that men become intimidated by my presence in their spaces, there is no space where I can go to. I will keep thinking of the brand-new option, but I am also looking forward for true manifestations of embracing of gender diversity. When a company instead of posting all job openings with (M/F/D), implying they are ready for trans, would instead create a gender-neutral bathroom area. When an online shop would offer third options for accounts and newsletters; and even big brands miss that. Why do you need to brand unisex shoes as men’s in the high size range? Tall women should not wear those? What kind of public education would be necessary to achieve that if a waiter or a salesperson in a store sees that despite of my male traits I am obviously not presenting as a male, should not push the Sir? Because it is not enough to put your pronouns out on your social media account, people on the street will not refer to you the way you wanted it to be. So instead of putting trans people into a situation where they are constantly reminded of their discrepancy within the gender binary, painting their efforts to change their gender expressions as futile, please give a legit category for me to feel valid and recognized beyond of being a man or woman.

Chapter 2 – SEXUAL ORIENTATION AND NUMBERS Sexual orientation is the preference what kind of partner one is seeking in terms of the partner’s sex (and gender). It is the third attribute of any person as: sex, gender, and sexual orientation. For cisgender people this means affection towards the opposite sex (heterosexual), same sex (gay, lesbian) or both sexes (bisexual). Transgender is not a sexual orientation category, and it also does not determine sexual orientation, meaning transgender people can also be attracted to either or both sexes. The cis heterosexual, bi- and homosexual terminology is not 1:1 applicable to trans individuals due to the variance in their gender identities. The ever-expanding LGBT acronym (I think it stands now at LGBTQIA+) trying to cover all minority groups, can be confusing to many people and does not serve as easy reference. It is also not homogenous as it covers variances on all three human attributes as discussed above e.g. sexual orientation (L,G,B), gender identity (T,Q as queer) as well as the rare variations of the biological sex (I as intersex). Roughly 10% of the population (1 out of 10 people) are gay (and I am using gay here for: gay, lesbian, bisexual or at least are not “rock solid” 100% heterosexual). If you know more than 10 people statistically you know a gay person (out or not (meant as openly gay or not publicly open about it)); in a ten million country all gays could populate a one million large city. Studies suggest that 0.5-1% of the population is transgender, meaning 1 out of hundred, but at least one out of 200 people. So, if you know 200 folks, you probably know a trans person (out or not (meant as openly trans or not publicly open about it)); in a ten million country all trans could still populate a decent city with a population of over fifty thousand. The proportion of a minority in the population should not imply any difference in importance or relevance (that is the idea of minorities, being recognized as equally important and relevant as the majority), but there are up to twenty times more gay people out there as trans. Even though this is a big difference in numbers, transgender people are becoming more visible and represented in all areas of public life and matters.